You Just Don’t Understand

Makloket L’sham Shamayim/Disagreements for the sake of heaven


  1. Debate issues without attacking people and damaging relationships.
  2. Check your motivations for engaging in the conflict. Debate to solve problems rather than to win.
  3. Listen to the other side and be open to admitting that you may be wrong.
  4. Consider that you might both be right, even if you hold opposite opinions.

In our B’nai Mitzvah family session, “You Just Don’t Understand,” we use games, videos, cartoons and role plays to explore the challenges that arise when miscommunication, tension, or conflict occur, and the Jewish values that are connected to communication between parents and children.

In the discussion of the Four Guidelines, we invite parents and their children to individually reflect on when they already use these guidelines in their conflicts and when they don’t. We urge them not to be discouraged if they don’t currently follow these guidelines — having this type of conflict is difficult!

We then ask parents to sit with their children and reflect on the following two questions:

  • What do you think about these guidelines? Which do you think is the most important? Which do you think would be most challenging to put into action?
  • What is one more family rule that you want to add to the list?

Click here to download the PDF worksheet.