On Sept. 11, Moving Traditions hosted Parenting Anxious Teens: Jewish Approaches to Resilience, a webinar for parents of Jewish youth. Together with a panel of experts, we discussed strategies parents can use to help their teens cope with everyday stress and anxiety.
Thank you to our featured speakers and moderator:
- Dr. Yoni Schwab: clinical psychologist, parenting expert, and Assistant Head of School for the Shefa School
- Tova W.: jGirls+ Magazine teen editor
- Lauren Z.: Meyer-Gottesman Kol Koleinu Teen Feminist Fellow
- Rabbi Tamara Cohen: Chief of Program and Strategy at Moving Traditions
- Rabbi Daniel Brenner, Vice President of Education for Moving Traditions (moderator)
Taschlich with Teens
To let go of the stressors of the past year and look forward to the new challenges of the coming year, we invite you to use our new High Holiday resource, Taschlich with Teens, which offers meaningful discussion prompts and a new family tradition.
Comfort, Stretch, and Panic Zones
The following is an excerpt from the “Zones of Learning: Comfort, Stretch, and Panic” session from Kulam for Counselors in Training/Teaching Assistants, a Moving Traditions program.
We all face situations that bring up anxiety — whether it’s meeting new people, speaking in public, or trying something unfamiliar. One way to understand this is through three “zones”:
- Comfort Zone: familiar and easy
- Stretch Zone: a little uncomfortable, but where growth happens
- Panic Zone: stressful and overwhelming
For both teens and adults, learning to spend time in the stretch zone is one of the most effective ways to reduce anxiety. Avoiding challenges by staying in the comfort zone can make the world feel smaller. Spending too much time in panic can shut us down. But every time we move into the stretch zone — when something feels a little scary but still possible — we build skills, confidence, and resilience.
Jewish Approaches
When the Israelites left Egypt, God didn’t lead them on the shortest path, because seeing war right away might have sent them running back to slavery (Exodus 13:17). Instead, God sent the Israelites through the Sinai wilderness, giving them time to grow and develop through experiences that challenged them in ways that they were able to face — in other words, more time in their “stretch zone.”
Like the Israelites, teens may need to take the long way around — growing gradually, at a pace that helps them stretch without shutting down.
Try this at home:
Take a few minutes together to name one experience that feels comfortable, one that feels like a stretch, and one that feels like panic. Share your own examples, too — kids often love to hear about the times their parents felt nervous and stretched themselves.
For instance:
- Comfort: reading a favorite book
- Stretch: trying a new sport
- Panic: giving a speech in front of the whole school
Notice together how different people can place the same experience in very different zones — what feels exciting to one person may feel terrifying to another.
As you reflect together, you might ask:
- How do you know when you’re stretching versus panicking?
- What helps you move something from panic to stretch, or from stretch to comfort?
- Has there been a time you grew stronger by taking small steps instead of a giant leap?
Takeaways for Parents:
- Comfort zone: If your teen resists leaving their comfort zone, don’t push them. Instead, invite them to try small, low-stakes challenges. Celebrate effort, not just success. Over time, these little stretches build confidence.
- Stretch zone: Teens learn more from what we do, than what we say! Model what it looks like to move into your stretch zone by trying new things that challenge you.
- Panic zone: When your teen reaches their panic zone, help them step back and break the challenge into smaller, manageable steps that move them gradually toward the stretch zone.