On May 28, Moving Traditions hosted a webinar for parents of Jewish youth: Raising a Mensch: Helping Our Boys Navigate Masculinity Today. Together with a panel of experts, we discussed how to encourage good citizenship and not idolize bad behavior.
Thank you to our featured speakers and moderator:
- Rabbi Tamara Cohen, Chief of Program & Strategy for Moving Traditions
- Eric Hunker, Director of Music & Aleph Enrichment at BBYO
- David Leiberman, film editor and former Shevet group leader
- Adam Karp, clinical fellow and educator at BaMidbar Therapy
- Solomon F., Kumi teen participant
- Coley R., Kumi teen participant
- Rabbi Daniel Brenner, Vice President of Education for Moving Traditions (moderator)
Tips for Parents: How do you raise a mensch?
- First and foremost: be a mensch. Act with honor, integrity, and compassion.
- Talk to your child about being a mensch. What does it mean to you to be a good person?
- Take your child along with you while you are doing things that are part of being a mensch for you.
- Talk to your child about ethical dilemmas you face. Ask them to consider what choices they might make in your shoes.
- Admit when you are uncertain.
- Tell your child about the mistakes you make and the actions you take to make amends.
- Don’t let shame hold you back from talking to other parents. We all say things in the heat of the moment that we later regret, we all get embarrassed when our children act in ways that are thoughtless or unkind, and we all wake up in the middle of the night worried about our children. Being vulnerable with other parents creates space for them to be vulnerable with you.
Dive Deeper
- Richard Reeves, Of Boys and Men:
“Reeves looks at the structural challenges that face boys and men and offers fresh and innovative solutions that turn the page on the corrosive narrative that plagues this issue.”
- Rabbi Tamara Cohen in Lilith: Big-Mouth Bar Mitzvah:
“As a Jewish teen, I think I yearned for a way to make sense of my own growing awareness and confusion about sexuality. As an adult, a parent, and a rabbi, I want things to be different for Jewish teens today.”
- Rabbi Tamara Cohen in Kveller: I Don’t Want My Jewish Son to Listen to Kanye — But I Want Him to Decide That Himself
“Part of the extended process of becoming an adult is about developing an ethical code and making decisions based on your — and not just your mom’s — values.”
- Rabbi Daniel Brenner in Forward: Unless we teach our teens about consent, sexual assault at Jewish summer camps will continue
“In many ways, men today are free to be themselves, express a wider range of emotions and question codes of masculinity and conventions of dress and expression. At the same time, almost all teen boys are exposed to sexual fantasies from media. They’re struggling to make sense of these competing ideas about masculinity.”
- Devin Gordon in Esquire: How Do Young Men See the World? We Asked Them.
“Rather than add our voice to the chorus of speculation about what guys are thinking and feeling about the world, we had a radical idea: Let’s just ask them.”
- Claire Miller in New York Times: It’s Not Just a Feeling: Data Shows Boys and Young Men Are Falling Behind
“Boys and young men are struggling. Across their lives — in their educational achievement, mental health and transitions to adulthood — there are warning signs that they are falling behind, even as their female peers surge ahead.”
Opportunities for Teens
Shevet
Our Shevet groups create space for Jewish teen boys and nonbinary teens to connect honestly with each other and learn how to become mensches. To bring Shevet to your community, contact Elizabeth Mandel, our Vice President of Feminist Programs or fill out this form to connect us to your synagogue.
Teen Trips & Fellowships
Applications for Kumi and Kol Koleinu are still open on a rolling basis! Learn more or nominate a teen you know who may be interested in applying.
Kumi is a unique opportunity for Jewish teens in 10th-12th grade to interrupt racism, antisemitism, and other manifestations of oppression. This teen leadership experience imparts knowledge and skills for exploring justice and equity from a Jewish lens.
The Meyer-Gottesman Kol Koleinu Teen Feminist Fellowship is a distinctive opportunity for young Jewish feminists in 9th-12th grade to build intergenerational and peer-to-peer relationships, to learn how to effectively speak their minds and build their activism toolbox to create change in their community.